thunderbreaker on Xanga

& robotcore your home look and feel log out ;

thunderbreaker
read my profile sign my guestbook Message: message me Member Since: 6/27/2009

Top Tags

View all tags...

SubscriptionsSites I Read
Subscribe to thunderbreaker Get trial subscription clau__dia datingish@datingish mudkiwi featuredweblogs featuredquestions TheXangaTeam

Posting Calendar

\|<< oldest \| newest >>\|
view all weblog archives

Monday, November 02, 2009

i am alone

sometimes, i want to curl up
in you, stare at the ceiling,
and count the colors i find,
your heartbeat singing to me
what you cannot say
in words.

lightwaves dance around us
reminding me of the way you move
and perhaps i could reach out
and touch despite
intangibility

there is an emptiness
in the crooks of my arms
i cannot fathom nor
even begin to
comprehend

marble floors are not
as warm
as you.

(
with no arms to keep me close,
no lips with which to say

i love you.
)

4:59 AM - 1 view - add eprops - add comments - email it

Friday, October 16, 2009

a sonnet a day

jealousy

I want your heartbeat ringing in my ears
As you glide through the air, mocking my fears.
I want you beside me, secrets unfurled,
as I traverse the expanse of your world.

In footsteps and heartbeats, life reached a lull.
I remember you called her beautiful.
Nodding at me before walking away,
I wished for beauty perchance you would stay.

I want you everywhere the heart longs for.
In the rain, still in time while the waves roar.
In the smoothness of the cheek, wonderful.
I remember you called her beautiful.

I want your heartbeat ringing in my ears
as I traverse the expanse of your world.

8:09 AM - 9 views - add eprops - add comments - email it

Thursday, July 09, 2009

like sugar

Recently, I've been awfully inspired by Sarah Kay, the spoken word poet. Youtube her. It's worth it.

She is someone with many things to say. We all are, actually, but then, she says things in a really simple, slice-of-life, gentle sort of way that makes you want to listen. It isn't... incomprehensible garble that's meant to sound intelligent. She's sincere, and she's relatable, and it's really all so beautiful, and she is what I call literature.

Because literature is usually those thick, thick novels with even thicker texts that just blur and spin in your head like anything. It doesn't have to always be so complicated. Sometimes, the magic of a few minutes far surpasses the poignance of one thousand pages.

Like life.

It's in the little moments. The ones you can't hold on too tight to, or they slip through your fingers.

It's like magic.

The more you try to rationalize, the farther and farther away you get from the simple beauty that just is.

And sometimes, it hurts. A lot of the times, it hurts. And things seem all complicated and mixed up and inescapable.

But there's hope. There's flow. There's direction.

There's meaning.

Maybe the pain never really goes away, but that pain will show you what true happiness is. That pain makes things real.

Or maybe I need some sleep.

12:10 PM - 5 views - add eprops - add comments - email it

Sunday, July 05, 2009

status quo

I told him everything, and there has been no change. At all.

At least now I know I did everything I could. I can walk away knowing it wasn't my fault. I am surrounded by so many wonderful, enriching people. Life is good; I can move on with it.

Come on, I've been mourning for a month now. It's time I got somewhere with my life. With or without him. My world is alive with potential; there's so much I have to do.

I am someone capable of bringing about change and beauty to a world that needs it. We all are.

I owe it to myself to find happiness. I owe it to every person on the street.

I owe it to you. :D

3:41 AM - 2 views - add eprops - add comments - email it

Thursday, July 02, 2009

a little unwell

I should probably be doing homework right now. There's kind of a lot of it.

• Bio longtest

• Bio handwritten lab report

• Geom homework

It doesn't seem like a lot. But it is. Seriously.

I'd get to it, but I'm kind of mentally/emotionally unfit to do anything properly.

Because I miss him, I guess. And from what I've heard, he's seriously taking the effort to avoid me.

I don't know which of the two hurts more.

I think I should maybe talk to him. But then, he's been great. Happy. Without me. And as difficult as things are for me, they're great for him. And I don't want to ruin that. He deserves every happiness, even if it means not having me around.

But I have to come to a decision.

I haven't been doing well. Emotionally, I've been unstable. Things have been very rocky for me. I'm always, always depressed. Though, it's way too easy to go around pretending I'm okay.

I don't want to worry people. I'm not exactly in a bad place right now. My whole family's okay. Though my dad's abroad now, and my brother will be flying off tomorrow morning. I should be okay.

I can't believe I'm allowing myself to be so affected by all of this. It's dangerous.

I miss him, and everything that was so beautiful and wonderful that we had. And I love him so much, the love just pours out of me whenever I see him. And I'm terrified for my dad and my brother, and for my mom, too, because she'll be the most stressed and worried of all of us.

I don't think I'm fit to go to school tomorrow, honestly. Though there are all those requirements waiting for me.

There's no way out of it, though. I'm obligated to be there, for my own sake, for the sake of the teachers that willhave to work doubly to compensate, for the sake of my parents who work to have me educated, and for the sake of the groupmates who will be affected by my absence.

There is so much I have to do for others; I can't seem to find the time to fix myself.

And even if I did, I wouldn't know how. Do I talk to him? Do I move on? Because, at this rate, I have no closure. I can't go anywhere, knowing that I'm leaving things broken.

I want to know what to do. I want to know how to make everyone happy. But in trying to please everyone, you please no one.

Maybe it's right that I think of myself first.

I'm so tired.

7:02 AM - 2 views - add eprops - add comments - email it

Next 5 >>